I am a go-go dancer in a lesbian nightclub.
Seriously.
A 47-year-old go-go dancer in a lesbian nightclub. The dances are for women over 35, so I don’t look like someone’s granny who wandered onstage by mistake and started shaking it at the young people. Although we did have a grandmother on stage last night, and she was hot.
Last night was my audition. I danced my ass off for two half-hour sets, with a clothing change between. Afterwards, the owner told me, “I like the way you dance! You’re not a… classically good dancer, but wow, you have so much fun up there. It’s great.” And so I was hired.
I’m not sure if this makes me the Bold New Wave of club dancing, or the Novelty Act. I guess either is fine, as long as the crowd enjoys it. They were certainly watching, with what I interpreted as a mix of amusement and approval. From the stage, I can see the entire crowd; I can chart the conversations and read the body language when they watch me for a measure and then lean in to talk to each other. Oh my god, she’s wild up there! is followed either by the raised eyebrow of Seems a little extreme or the grin of How cool is that?
And that’s fine. I don’t need to be the sexiest thing on stage. I want to be the one who makes you want to dance a little harder, loosen up a little more. I want to show you the joy of giving your body to music without regard for how it looks. Because you know what? I am having fun up there. And you, on the left side of the floor, I saw you busting some of my moves. Looked great on you. You go, girl.
Certainly, I had to go for it. I decided I would rather have the story to tell of how I tried out to be a dancer and didn’t make it, than the story of how I almost… And here we come right back around to the possibilities conversation.
Oh, and I have a stage name! You can call me Lucky. I get paid, I get tips (well, we’ll see — none of us made decent tips last night, what’s up with Seattle women? Put some money in the jar, people! Baby needs shoes.)
Kelley Eskridge: Executive. Novelist. Screenwriter. Go-go girl. I think it has a certain ring, don’t you?
If you are a woman, come see me dance. (All women and trans people are welcome. Go check out the FAQ.) I’ll dance one show a month, and will post my schedule when I get it.
Sorry, guys. Or maybe not — I love to dance for/with men, but I wouldn’t get two steps onto your stage before being told to make room for the 20-somethings. It’s your loss. I like men enormously, but I think many of y’all have some wacky ideas about what’s hot.
Sorry, guys. Or maybe not â I love to dance for/with men, but I wouldnât get two steps onto your stage before being told to make room for the 20-somethings. Itâs your loss. I like men enormously, but I think many of yâall have some wacky ideas about whatâs hot.
I think I’d rather see you dance, love. But I’m a bit out of the mainstream in that sense. 20-Somethings are nice to look at, but….
I’ll stop there lest I tread upon the quicksand of stereotyping.
I think this is terrific.
Happy to dance with you anytime, amigo! Perhaps we can put you in drag and talk you in the door (grin)….
It’s sorta like having a new girlfriend: Lucky the go-go girl. I am bemused but smiling…
You KNOW that I’m not going to miss this Kelley … just waiting for you to post your schedule now. I’m bringing ALL the girls and will make sure ahead of time to send them a memo to bring tip money for the baby in need of shoes. We will be there!
Fantastic, Kelly. The freedom to just dance dance dance for attention – female attention! Reminds me of this lot http://www.gurlesque.com. They are such fun, and their guests give awesome performances. Good on ya!
Luey — Will be happy to see you and all your girls!
Evecho — Yep, that’s it. The freedom to dance. There is no feeling in my life like it. I feel Lucky! (grin — and the name wasn’t even my idea. I didn’t even know people had stage names for this until I showed up the other night with my little bag of clothes. One of the other women suggested it, and when I heard it, I thought Perfect!.
Finally!! A reason to go to the great NorthWet!!!
I’ve always wanted to say ” Meet my daughter the go-go dancer!” After all these years you still continue to suprise me, dear one. Thank you.
Well, my momma raised me to try new things (big grin). Love you, Mum.
this is exciting news, kelley. i admire you for this, among other things. kara & i will dress me up proper and we’ll head north to see you work your stuff.
Hi Alex, hope you and Kara are well.
I wish that you could see it, but they are very strict — gay men don’t get in, only MTF people in transition (or FTM people who are still in the women’s community). I’m guessing that, as nice as I know you to be, you are outside the criteria. I’m very sorry about that, but I do support the right of Hot Flash to create their own version of a safe physical and emotional space for women.
Not meaning to lecture! (It’s early and I’ve had no caffeine…) Just want to be clear that you shouldn’t try to sneak in, in case you were actually serious about it (smile).
Hmm, Iâll just repeat adjectives Iâve already used about you Kelley — hot, impressive, inspirational.
I was also just saying to a friend this past weekend how we have no place similar to that for women to go to anymore here in LA. Another reason to like the PNW.
Bonjour Kelley
Je suis vraiment éclatée de rire! c’est trop géniale! Tu as raison je trouve qu’il n’y a rien de mieux pour faire vivre son corps qu’un bon pas de danse, peut importe que ce soit de la dance, de la valse, un tango, ou du disco. Lol, et il est vrai qu’à ce rythme tu vas pouvoir en acheter des paires de chaussures neuves, c’est trop cool! Comme quoi il n’y a pas d’âge pour attirer le regard sur une danseuse.Lol! Lucky.
Excellent j’ai trop ris de voir la scène en même temps que j’ai lus cette soirée. J’espère que tu nous raconteras la suite de tes soirées danse. Merci à toi pour le partage.
Nadia
Shake it baby! Shake it!! I’m getting my single bills together now!
You are now officially too cool for science fiction!
And how come I only just discovered your blog? (I blame the critical thesis.)
Nadia — Oui, vraiment, la danse est ma joie particulière, alors j’ai la bonne chance. Ou comme on peut dire en anglais, I am Lucky, no? (Je ris…)
Gwenda — Ah, I think theses have much to answer for in general (grin). I hope yours is going very well indeed.
I hope this is a long term job so I can come see all this myself when I come back to America…
The sentence I tucked away into my Self after reading about your new job was, “Why not say YES!” It’s a sentence that showed up at just the right time recently. I found myself on a 20 mile long dirt road north of the Grand Canyon to drop three friends off on a long hike. ( I was along to ferry their car back to Flagstaff.) I noticed a woman with a big horse trailer out there looking around and wondered about it. On my way back to the highway I stopped to draw and poke around a bit; I had seven daylight hours to play with…and there was that gal with the big horse trailer, and she had two horses saddled, tied to a juniper tree. I slowed down to enjoy a close look–her easy way of walking, the denim shirt–and she nodded hello, then headed to the side of the road to chat. Turned out she was curious where a particular watering hole might be; she’d heard of it and planned to camp some days, might I know it’s whereabouts. No, it was new country for me. Oh, I can’t remember what sentences came along to extend the conversation so we could both look each other over. But then I commented on two horses saddled when she was out there solo. “Oh, training…” murmur, murmur “Want to go for a ride?”
And then there it was, just the right sentence through my brain at just the right time, WHY NOT SAY YES.
So I did say yes.
We rode for three hours in lovely country along a sandy brown dirt road, winding through junipers and intriguing conversations, with three lion hounds sniffing and yelping along besides. I hadn’t been on a horse in a dozen years, but I remembered the right details to consider, and asked what I needed to know and just loved it. The day. The brown weathered face of a gal who worked for UPS 25 years and bought lots of horses when she retired. Her husbands. My travels. Her thoughts on death and dying. My questions about having a dozen horses. What sisters do for us. A fine time for us both, I think.
She took my picture on her horse. I gave her a drawing from my sketchbook. We parted smiling and I still got home before dark. The next yes for me? I think I’ll steer down to Tempe in April for the opening of a dance club…54 isn’t that much older than 47…and I don’t need to be the go-go girl there; I just want to continue to say yes now and then…
Amy — I hope so too! Kate and Liz plan to be there and can give you the full report (grin).
And I hope you’re enjoying Paris. I’ve been there once and loved it.
Jean — What a magical thing to do.
I love those moments of unexpected, unlooked-for connection. We’re taught not to trust them when they present themselves, but they are just as true as the 25-year relationship — just not as long or varied or, perhaps, deep. But what does that matter? There are many different kinds of joy, including the three-hour-horse-riding variety. There are many ways to show love for other people, to be in love with being human (because isn’t that really what love celebrates?) — including the ease between two strangers that leads to the small adventure and closes with a smile and that lovely feeling of wishing someone well and leaving them to their life.
I hope you enjoy that dance club!
You go girl!
I’m a ’20-something’ (21 to be exact), but I think what you’re doing is pretty cool. It must be so liberating.
Adaora — it is liberating. I feel detached from everything except the music, the crowd, and myself. It’s one of the purest ways I know to be me, the Kelley who lives inside or beside (and often in spite of) the expectations and hopes of others, the limitations of culture and experience, and the wacky parts of my own psychology.
And it’s amazing fun too. I can recommend it at any age.
hey kelley,
great book to check out. been out in paperback a few years.
by see, lisa
snowflower and the secret fan
it’s way cool
renee
Good for you, Kelley! It will be great fun for you. Since you now have a “stage name”, do you find that Lucky is a very different persona? I used to dance in ’76 and ’77 (but not in lesbian clubs, I’m envious!) and I was totally a different person when I was dancing than when I wasn’t. It was very freeing and I was way more daring.
Hope you make lots of tips for baby’s new shoes!!
BTW, loved the new book.
Susan
Renee, thanks for the recommendation.
Susan… hmm, I don’t know that I’d say Lucky is a different persona. Actually, I think distilled might be a word for her. The dancing part of me is really just all about the music and the moving, the body and the soul — and so, yes, it is very freeing, for sure. But it still feels like me, although I wouldn’t necessarily move that way in the grocery store (smile).
Tips, shmips. I’ve given up. I’ll just have to do it for love and not for money.
Glad you liked Dangerous Space.